Good Morning Everyone! ~
I am completely serious at this moment...I have a confession to make. I almost said to hell with it last night. To hell with the positive attitude. To hell with trying to play music again. To hell with this blog. To hell with it all... But I didn’t. While every muscle in my body tightened itself to the point of feeling as if they were to snap in two, while my legs failed to follow my brains commands, no matter how simple, I could go on, but you get the point. I thought of how easy it would be to just give up. But I didn’t. I can’t.
Giving up means more than just not accomplishing what I still want to in life. It means giving up on life, giving up means dying... I wouldn’t pass right away... it would be a slow fade into the sunset. To hell with THAT, I say! Even if there was nothing left artistically I wished to accomplish, I still can’t give up. There is so much beauty in life, in so many easy to find places, I cannot turn my back on it. If all I wanted to do was putter around in my garden and take care of Neon Tetras for the rest of my life, that would be OK - AS LONG AS I NEVER GIVE UP!
Giving up for a person with parkinson’s means - not caring if you do your exercises and walk everyday - not caring if you have a social life, a spiritual life, a sexual life - not caring. And, when your mind doesn't care about what happens to you, can your body be far behind? No. When your mind gives up, you get a call from the front desk saying it’s past checkout time and you must leave now or pay for an extra night. So, your body checks out. I’m not ready to end this vacation - call the airlines, call the front desk - I’ll pay whatever it takes! I’m not ready to go home yet.
I am not trying to sound morose. Life is HARD. I say this knowing full well that I’ve (all in all) have had it pretty easy. No wars for me to die in. No poverty. No dysfunctional family life. But there’s always the sound of a second shoe, my other shoe has fallen and it is pd. But, I am almost embarrassed when I meet a person who, through no fault of their own, had been dealt a much worse hand than I. A person who, from birth has had to deal with pain - mobility problems - the funny stares and laughs of cruel children. I am embarrassed that I afforded myself the luxury of self pity.
This is officially (as one can be in GroovyLand) a blog about my life with parkinson’s disease - how I deal with it, etc. So, even though I get bored talking about it , I still have an obligation to reveal that part of my life and not just the make-believe. The full title is “Letters From GroovyLand - My Life With parkinson’s The Best Life I Have.” It could just as easily say “The Worst Life I Have” Is the glass half full...? Which one of those two applies - is all up to me. Up to me because, the punch-line really is - it’s - "The Only Life I Have.”
WHY SO BLUE?
You are probably saying “Why so blue, Andy?” What has caused you to feel this way? For starters - I’m human, everybody has good days and bad - happy and sad. I don’t know why I feel like this - maybe it’s this fog of pain and discomfort I feel most of the time. I don’t see my Neurologist until the end of March, but I can email him at any time and I think I will today. For this all might be a side effect or the medication meaning he needs to tweak my treatment slightly. Or it could be a result of the pd which, if that’s the case, there’s not much I can so about it but forge ahead. Keep on doing what makes me, and those around me happy. Keep on walking and breathing and dancing and singing - laughing - crying - loving. You know... being human. It’s being human that had got me into this situation, and being human will get me out.
Thank you so much dear readers for, believe it or not, you help me everyday to hold on to my humanity. Whenever one of you tells me how this blog has helped or inspired you I can feel another log being thrown on my emotional furnace. You keep me warm. And even when no one tells me - I know you’re out there. I feel your presence. And although not as warm as a fire it’s a wool blanket that shelters me from the cold. When you combine the log in the furnace and a warm blanket with the love and support of my family and friends - I’m toasty!
I had a post all ready to put up this morning, but it didn’t feel right - It was basically just a fun and silly post about nothing - humorous and light. Those are all important things, i believe, and they all have their place and time, but what I have just written - as fast as my fingers could type - fits what I’m feeling, what I am going through. It’s much more...human.
just say yes!
meet Andy Ward King, a professional musician and artist until a diagnosis of parkinons dsease at age 49 forced him into an early retirement., he now uses his music, his art along with the whimsical world he has created in this blog as therapy to ( as he puts it ) outsmart his brain and make the daily battles with parkinson’s a little bit easier, to give him that all important reason to get up on the morning, to make his life worth living. Andy has learned how to say NO to gving up \ NO to depression and apathy \ NO to following willingly the road of decline that stretches before him. he learned that to say no to all of these things all one has to do is say yes. Andy has learned to just say YES to life/\\