mumuble mummmbel mmmm
That’s how most people hear me - most of the time. I sound that way for many reasons - most all of them parkinson's related.
As I understand it - Everything in your body requires motion. parkinson’s reduces your ability to produce that motion...speech is motion...parkinson’s affects your speech. As my disease progresses my voice will get softer and softer. I can fight this, and stop the progression, maybe even reverse it through physical training and hard work. But as you age you also tire, and so, my voice will probably become very soft someday, no matter what I do.
Another problem I have is that the medication I take for the pd symptoms - the only one that has really helped - makes my mouth puffy dry and sore. This also makes it hard, sometimes almost impossible, to talk. My dentist, Dr Roessler, a great guy, gave me some stuff for that yesterday and I think it is already helping and the main sore that was in my mouth (it wasn’t like a canker or any thing gross - more like a little bump) has gone away. which is a good sign.
I think the sound of my voice can sometimes influence peoples perception of me - I sound as if there is something wrong with my cognition - in other words they think i’m either Drunk or Mentally Defective or both, and in my neighbor hood it’s usually the latter. Both. I even have a card the parkinson’s foundation gave me that says “THIS MAN HAS pARKINSON’S - HE IS NOT INTOXICATED” I call it my “Get Out Of Drunk Tank Free Card.” If you combine how I talk with how I move sometimes, you can see how people would jump to this conclusion. The sad part is no one wants anything to do with a drunk - crazy man. I am beginning to experience what members of most minorities, or people who are just different looking, have experienced all their life. I am beginning to feel prejudged.
But what about the price of tomatoes?
I can say - who cares about what other people think, and that would be a healthy way to deal with it. That is usually what I do. It’s my real life - the time I spend with Family and Friends that I worry about. People get tired of having to say Huh? Wha? Speak up Andy - you have to try harder - I can’t HEAR you! They are right - they love me and have my best interests at heart. But, as I said, sometimes I get tired.
Thinking about it I realize why bother - don’t take this wrong - I love my family and friends and always want to be able to express that love verbally. But come on folks, have you ever met me? About ¾ of the words that come out of my mouth or unfiltered uselessness. A definite waste of everyones time, especially mine.
Not that these words that slip past the gate aren’t of any value - they are just useless at that time - they are only me - thinking out loud. Usually worth saving to use in a song, story, poem, what have you - not worth wasting precious vocal energy on. If you don’t use it you’ll lose it - this is true, and I still must practice and work my voice. But like with bagpipes, my voice is better practiced in a soundproof booth.
There is a retreat like place in middle Georgia where you spend time alone with a vow of silence - like a monk - you sleep by yourself in a small little room - like a monk - you spend your time praying, working , and meditating - like a monk - I guess you could say it is a monastery. I plan ( as soon as I can afford it) to spend some time up there. It will be delicious to not hear the words “speak up!” for a while. Until then I’ll try to make myself understood by everyone by enunciating, speaking LOUDLY, and basically being a good soldier. However, saying only what I need to, and saving the thinking out loud for that soundproof room is where I’m gonna start. I talk too much anyway.
just say yes!
meet Andy Ward King, a professional musician and artist until a diagnosis of parkinons dsease at age 49 forced him into an early retirement., he now uses his music, his art along with the whimsical world he has created in this blog as therapy to ( as he puts it ) outsmart his brain and make the daily battles with parkinson’s a little bit easier, to give him that all important reason to get up on the morning, to make his life worth living. Andy has learned how to say NO to gving up \ NO to depression and apathy \ NO to following willingly the road of decline that stretches before him. he learned that to say no to all of these things all one has to do is say yes. Andy has learned to just say YES to life/\\