I was taught, as many of you were, that hate is a negative, destructive, albeit extremely powerful emotion. and although it can be found everywhere and within everybody I was taught that it was wrong and was to be avoided. I was brought up to love my enemies as Jesus said too, or at least try.
But there is now an enemy in my life, an enemy that is one of the worst a body could have. An enemy that has no body or soul, but it is still capable of destroying my hopes and dreams, my present and my future. I don’t know if it even exists in any tangible form other than the summersaults it does in my brain. It’s name honors the man who first recognized it’s cavalcade of symptoms, a scientist named Parkinson. I don’t hate this man Parkinson, but I hate the disease named after him I HATE pARKINSON’S DISEASE. I hate it with a passion, a passion that I have, up till our introduction some 10 years ago, reserved for people, places or things that I love. I hate what it has done and continues to do with my earthly body using Samurai intensity and skill. I hate what it has done and continues to do to my family and friends who watch helpless my long slow decline. I hate parkinson’s disease, and it’s OK. I believe it’s OK to hate, sometime it’s your only option.
It’s hard to fight a battle when you don’t know who your enemy is, and living with parkinson’s is a battle. an hourly battle that only stops when i am asleep , ah sleep, golden sleep, how I long for your warm embrace - your kiss of normalcy. I wake up every morning - stretch my tired, abused and bullied muscles. I then think of all the wonders in my life and all that I have to look forward to and live for. These are the things that get me out of bed. See, I don’t hate my life, my condition, the piss poor hand i’ve been dealt, quite yet contrary. I LOVE MY LIFE - I love my wife, my family. my creativity, my mere existence, and i would’t change a thing even if I could, for it is all in the Universes plan. These things that I love get me out of bed, but it’s my hatred for mr p. that keeps me out (mr p. is what my wife Kath-a-leen the Garden Queen and I call this adversary who has decided for no reason to invade our peaceful life - notice how I never capitalize parkinson’s or cancer crohn’ s or ms - they don’t deserve that respect.) it’s my hatred for mr. p that fuels this military machine of Life, Love, Strength, Creativity and Beauty that I have had to become.
parkinson’s attacks you when least expected, always using different tactics. So I must be ready, and my hatred keeps me ready - keeps me spry - keeps me fighting. I will not let him win. Sure we all die, but I will be damned if it will be at his hands. I will not starve to death because I have no appetite or I’m unable to process and acquire nutrition from the food I do eat, I will not develop Pneumonia because my swallowing ability has been compromised to the point that my lungs fill up with fluid every time I eat or drink. I will not die from a stupid, avoidable fall because my balance has defected, I will not kill myself or give up the fight because of depression. I will not let the nearly constant pain, loss of independance and basic physical abilities ruin my life. I will not let these things take my joy, destroy my happy and cause me to surrender. I refuse. It’s because I hate him so much and I love my life and myself so much that none of these things, or the myriad of other weapons this insidious, relentless, industrial strength enemy uses, will ever happen. Because I love what, who, and where I am and I HATE with every fiber of my being this unwanted enemy. He started it, he made the first move, but I refuse to let him make the last.
If it takes hatred to accomplish this then I feel that it’s OK to hate... I think Jesus would understand.
Have a great day.. I know I will.
just say yes!
meet Andy Ward King, a professional musician and artist until a diagnosis of parkinons dsease at age 49 forced him into an early retirement., he now uses his music, his art along with the whimsical world he has created in this blog as therapy to ( as he puts it ) outsmart his brain and make the daily battles with parkinson’s a little bit easier, to give him that all important reason to get up on the morning, to make his life worth living. Andy has learned how to say NO to gving up \ NO to depression and apathy \ NO to following willingly the road of decline that stretches before him. he learned that to say no to all of these things all one has to do is say yes. Andy has learned to just say YES to life/\\