Greetings to all...
I’ve been extremely busy lately - I ‘ve been doing quite a lot, and I would love to tell you all about it. However, I can’t, for reasons known only to the International Sweet Verses Savory Council, divulge who - what - were - when or why, this lot has been cast upon me. Don’t worry gentle reader for I have done and continue to do plenty to and for the ones in that place from the past at all times maintaining an efficient and professional human calibration.
This is what I do. This is who I am. Ask anyone.
It was my 33rd wedding anniversary the other day and Kathleen and I marked this milestone in our traditional fashion by first burying stolen fireworks in our backyard, we then follow a black cat to a cemetery were we must drink a half full glass of stump water exactly at midnight. This bizarre ceremony has kept us together all these years and neither one of us has warts.
I think, however, there must be more to our matrimonial success than our adaptation of my father’s cure for warts ritual. I think, therefore I write.
Since Kathleen is asleep I will tell you what I believe is the real and forever gospel truth - The real and non-virtual reason we have stayed together almost as many years as the number of revolutions an old vinyl LP makes in a minute*
WRiTE THIS DOWN
The secret to a long and happy marriage is simple easy to remember here it is...
Never use the wrong towel. Or even better “always use the right towel "
Find out during the opening credits of the movie which is to be your life together the role and proper location of each and every towel in your house. There are vague colors and cryptic designs to help you, But, they are a code only your new spouse can decipher, and she will , but only 2 or 3 times. after that It is up to you to remember. You must commit to memory which towels are for the kitchen and which ones are for the bath and of those for bathing which ones are for her and which ones are for you. is to be used for washing or is it for drying and what part of the body is it designed to dry. In the kitchen is it for hands or is this square piece of cloth that by now, to me, all look the same, only to be used for drying dishes or was it for cleaning countertops? Some households even have towels that are not to be used at all, special “guest towels”:that look the same as every other towel in the house, only cleaner. It is quite hard to keep up with all of this, and most men don’t. That is why almost 7/64ths of all marriages in this country end up in a washing/drying related divorce. Sad.
There is hope however. Most wives are fairly forgiving when it comes to towels and as long as you don’t use the antique tea towels given to her by her Grandmother to change the oil in your truck you will be OK Nevertheless, here are some rules to follow - some tricks I have developed. They seem to have helped me.
1. When in doubt - don’t pull it out. When you’re not at least 98% sure which towel to use leave them alone and let it stay wet. If there exists that 2% doubt, air dry. Never look at the stack of neatly folded, proper,y stored, clean, crisp towels in the bathroom closet thinking that you will “wing it” picking a towel and then putting it back if its the wrong one because you will never put it back properly, your wife will find out, and removing one of those is worse than using it because now it must be wastefully washed again. Air dry
2. Never leave any towel on the floor - even a floor towel.
3. Never exclaim that a towel is just a towel and they are all the same.
4. Never think that paper towels are the answer - no tree should have to die because of an inability to remember something as simple as which towel to use.
THE FINAL SOLUTION...
Pick a hobby or activity that justifies the purchase of your own towels that you then buy on your own, with cash - make sure they are of a color that is not being used by any other thirsty towel in you life and use only those towels...
but never to dry dishes.
Until next time
just say yes!
meet Andy Ward King, a professional musician and artist until a diagnosis of parkinons dsease at age 49 forced him into an early retirement., he now uses his music, his art along with the whimsical world he has created in this blog as therapy to ( as he puts it ) outsmart his brain and make the daily battles with parkinson’s a little bit easier, to give him that all important reason to get up on the morning, to make his life worth living. Andy has learned how to say NO to gving up \ NO to depression and apathy \ NO to following willingly the road of decline that stretches before him. he learned that to say no to all of these things all one has to do is say yes. Andy has learned to just say YES to life/\\